“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought...”
I liked this verse so much, that I used it yesterday for Relationship Revival, but today, for my savvy singles, I’m going to approach this in a different light. (If you want to see how I used it yesterday, feel free to check out that blog. You’ll gain some valuable insight about the need to always be right and how it can negatively affect your relationships.)
For you, my friend, let’s just consider this idea that you are so much better “than that.” Let me first start out by bringing to light that there are reasons to think that way, specifically when it concerns to a few specific issues:
- If someone is trying to force you into sexual relations, either verbally or physically
- If someone is verbally or physically abusing you
- If the person you are dating attacks your faith or your commitment to “save yourself”
- If they are merely playing you and dating a dozen other people
- If they are not serious about being serious
So those are things that I would most definitely agree with you on, if you said—and you should—I’m so much better than that!
But there are times we tend to think way too highly of ourselves, so much so that we say, “I’m better than that,” when it comes to someone who doesn't live up to your standards. When you consider yourself to be “above” others, that is when the problem will lurk about and destroy any real chances of happiness. I’ve said it before a million times: sometimes you are your own worse enemy. And when you put yourself on a pedestal, and demand all your requirements to be met, you will be single for quite some time.
When I first met Jared, he didn’t meet a lot of my internalized requirements I didn’t even realize I had. He didn’t like football, he was into opera and theatre, he was a liberal, he was a Mormon, and he was eleven years younger than I was. He was also a bit “odd,” as my friends put it. He was awkward and gawky…a bit geeky, even. I typically went for the guys who were incredibly confident, carried themselves with pride, and were more of the manly-man type who would never consider washing a dish, more or less change a poopy diaper.
I wasn’t sure if Jared was my “type.” I thought myself to be above all those things. I saw myself on a different—higher—level than him, and because of that, I had a hard time believing anything would really come out of it.
Imagine if I had acted on that attitude. I wouldn’t know that there could be a love like this, and I surely wouldn’t have my amazing son. Imagine how much I would have missed out if I declined his offer of a date and instead just misjudged him! My life wouldn’t be any different than it was ten years ago, and I wouldn’t be here writing this blog today in hopes of providing you valuable tidbits on how to overcome yourself!
Love of a good woman change Jared. That lanky boy turned into a confident man. Those so-called “unmanly” traits turned out to be the biggest blessings of my life! He cooks, he does laundry, he cleans, he’s incredibly involved in raising our son, and he’s an amazing man of God. I thought myself better than him, but in reality, he was better than me. But now we balance each other out. We stand on equal solid ground.
ACTION PLAN: Most people will not meet all the subconscious requirements you have made, but if you don’t find out what qualities they do have, you could be missing out on a lifetime of love. You are better than being mistreated, but you are not better than most other people despite what you think. The second portion of that scripture says, “But rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”
GO FURTHER: I suggest you take the second part of this scripture to heart and apply it to your everyday life. When you stop acting like you are better than everyone else, you never know who will suddenly feel confident enough to finally approach you. Jared was intimidated by me because of that very fact. He didn’t actually ask me out. He had been telling people how he felt about me and one day when a group of us were all together, they asked me out for him. Someone, right now—someone wonderful—may be anxiously wishing he were good enough in your eyes to ask you out.
FACT: Imagine how many missed opportunities have already gone by because you may have seen yourself so much better than one of those gawky, geeky guys or girls who are really princes or princesses in disguise.