Week 7: Hard to Find

Scripture to reflect upon for Singles Saturday: Proverbs 31:10-11 (The Message)

“A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it”

Before I dig into this, I want to first ask a series of questions to the women, and then the men. I think you’ll find your own answers a bit interesting, and possibly even shocking.

Women:

§  Are you a good woman? What makes you think so?

§  Are you a woman who can be fully trusted? Why?

§  What kind of men have you been dating? How do they treat you? How long does the relationship usually last? How did you meet them?

§  How quickly do you have sex with someone? First date? Second? Third? Or do you abstain?

§  Do you spend time with God, and are you confident in your relationship with Him? (Keeping in mind that merely believing isn’t spending time with God.)

§  Are you saved? Meaning, have you given your life over to Christ?

§  Have you ever told secrets about others? Do you gossip?

§  When in a relationship, do you tell your friends everything that goes on, including your sex life?

§  Do you keep a clean house? Do you cook?

§  If you got married, what would be your main focus? Your husband/family? Your career? Your friends? Your parents? Your pets? Your “things”?

§  Why do you want to get married?

§  What are you looking for in a man? Someone attractive? Someone intelligent? Someone wealthy? Someone who’s sexy or extremely attractive?

§  Would you consider marrying a man who sleeps around a lot?

§  Would you consider marrying a man who cheated on his previous girlfriends?

§  Would you consider marrying a man who left his wife for you?

§  When you go out to the bars—if you go out to the bars—what do you wear? How do you present yourself to men? Are you wholesome and simple? Or are you overdone and letting it all hang out?

Now let me ask you again, after you’ve answered these questions: Are you a good woman worth far more than diamonds?

Men:

§  Are you a good man? If so, what makes you think that?

§  Can you be trusted by a woman? Meaning, will you lie to her, cheat on her, or string her along until you can figure things out?

§  Do you keep a clean house? Do you cook?

§  Do you feel a man should provide for his wife and family, or do you believe she should contribute to the household finances?

§  Do you let women pay for dates, or do you pay for everything?

§  What are you looking for in a woman? Do you want someone who sleeps around a lot, and has had many previous relationships before you? Or do you want someone who has been holding out for the right person?

§  Do you believe in the saying, “Why buy the horse when the cow is free?” And do you believe in “taking a test ride” before sealing the deal?

§  Do you want a woman you can be confident in and trust?

§  Do you desire a woman who seeks God first, knowing it makes her a stronger, better woman? Or do you want a woman who will put you first above and before anything else?

§  Who, or what, will be your first priority if and when you get married? Your friends? Your family? Your sports? Being able to still go out and party once a week? Your wife/family?

§  How would you plan on supporting a family? Do you even want a family, or do you only want a wife?

§  What is your idea of a wife? Does she take care of you, or do you take care of her? Will she do all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of all the children’s demands?

§  Can you be trusted to be faithful and loyal to one woman, and one woman only?

Again, I ask you: are you a good man?

So my last few questions are for both men and women: What makes a good woman? If she is so hard to find, why is that if so many women believe they are “good”? Do women believe they are good based on what the world claims is a good woman; or are women basing their goodness on biblical and Godly principles?

Men, did it surprise you to learn that you wanted a good woman who hasn’t been with many men before you? Did it surprise you that you want a good woman that you can take care of and rely on?

Ladies, most men are looking for a good woman worth far more than diamonds. They want a woman they can trust fully, with no regrets whatsoever! If you are currently giving yourself away, time and time again with the same end results, something’s not working!

Men may briefly want the woman who wears a low-cut blouse and knows what she’s doing in bed. But ultimately, a relationship based on those things won’t amount to a hill of beans. You will continually find yourself getting dumped, or doing the dumping.

Listen, the idea of what a woman is supposed to be like, and this notion that men like that kind of woman, is incredibly off! A good guy wants a good woman! They want a woman who collaborates in their beliefs. They want to know that if you are in a relationship with them, that you are committed to them and anything and everything else, besides God, is secondary. That means you won’t have arguments over work schedules, and careers, and who will take care of the kids. It means you’re committed to a family, not “having it all.”

Women, you need to stop believing the lie that having it all is really “having it all.” Quite frankly, having it all means giving up a lot! And I mean…a LOT! Just look around. Look at today’s youth. We are suffering an epidemic of obese children. We are seeing more and more kids beat, rape and murder others without any remorse. We are witnessing kids who don’t have a clue about Jesus or God, and it shows! Kids are becoming angrier and angrier at earlier ages, because they are being neglected by moms (and dads) who are trying to have it all, while having nothing at all.

Before you keep moving about as if none of this matters, you should truly consider what you want and how that’s going to work. Meaning, figure out if you are a good woman worth far more than diamonds…they are hard to come by. Are YOU hard to come by? Or are you just another woman who blends in the crowd? Beautiful, wonderful woman…you need to stand out ABOVE the crowd. What would make YOU different from other women?

And men, you need to figure out if you’re willing to settle for something less than diamonds, or if you are willing to wait for that gem to show up at the right time, knowing full well what it means to be a husband. If you don’t…I suggest you figure that out, because the world has got that all wrong, too!

ACTION PLAN: Change your course…NOW! Be a woman of virtue, ethics and morals! It’s not outdated; it’s not an ancient idea. I am one, and I’m still living. In fact, my husband waited for a woman like me to come along. Yes, I had a past—a crazy, wild, promiscuous past—but I changed my course, and so can you. Your past doesn’t need to define you anymore. You can make a conscious effort right now to be a “good woman” that any man would fight to have! Because, my dear friend, they are incredibly hard to find. (Next week we’re going to literally make an Action Plan to implement into your dating life that you will need to lay out on all of your first dates!)

Men, it’s time you refocused your attention for a good woman. Stop looking for “tail,” and start looking for “traits.” You, too, have to change the course you’re on. You need to be a man who has morals and ethics, and be a man who longs to be a good husband and provider to his wife and family. You may find a woman here and there, but what does it matter if she’s not committed to being committed?

GO FURTHER: I challenge you this week, both men and women, to read Proverbs 31:10-31. Women: make a list of ways you can be more like the Proverbs 31 Woman. Then write a list of ways you feel you can’t be like her. Explain why, and ask yourself if it’s pride that stands in your way, not an inability. Is it because you don’t want to be like that, or you think you can’t, or you think it’s stupid? Do you think it’s achievable?

Men: Make a list of all the things that you like about the Proverbs 31 woman. Pay special attention to the husband’s role. What does he do? How does he act? What is he like? Can you be that kind of husband?

FACT: A good woman is hard to find. If you’re easy to find, something’s not right.