Week 8: No Jesus, No Love

Scripture to reflect upon: Psalm 55:22

Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders—He’ll carry your load, He’ll help you out.

Being single isn’t easy. You can experience amazing joy at the prospect of a hopeful relationship, only to be snared by the piercing pain that it wasn’t meant to be.

I know. I’ve been there. The countless relationships I had to “endure” led me here today. I say “endure” because I went through a lot of terrible, abusive relationships. I can’t tell you how many nights I laid awake crying, either because I ached to be loved, or because I ached over the love I thought I had.

I walked for many years amongst the dead. I lived nearly my whole adult life as a zombie, dragging from one dead-end relationship to another. With each new zombiefied relationship I entered, I carried extra resentments, boatfuls of bitterness and a truckload of anger. How could any relationship survive with that? It couldn’t.

I also carried a ton of guilt and shame, and with that, I made the horrific choices of one stinky guy after another. I was punishing myself.

A lot of people who suffer from Dating Whiplash end up thinking that God is somehow punishing them for something they’ve done wrong—and they know exactly what it is they’ve done wrong to deserve this treatment. God isn’t the culprit. You are. I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: you are your own worst enemy; you are your biggest obstacle to overcome. That new person you’re dating…well, they shouldn’t have to “endure” you either.

Dating has its ups and downs—mostly downs. You get your hopes up and then you’re shot down in flames. You think about a hundred different times, “I think this is The One,” only to find out it was The Hundredth One this month you thought that about.

This doesn’t have to be so complicated, but for some reason you’re not listening. You come to this site week after week hoping for some insight, but you don’t like what you hear. You’re not going to stop sleeping around, or giving yourself away, or try to be a person of noble character. You’re just sitting back waiting for the world to twirl around you and change for you. Have you applied one thing I wrote in seven weeks? Have you done the homework? Have you talked to God? Have you surrendered it all to Him?

If you say yes, but nothing’s working…you’re lying. Oh, don’t get mad at me. I’m just speaking the truth you don’t want to hear. You KNOW how I know, because I’ve said it a thousand times: I’ve been there. See where you’re sitting right now. I was sitting there, too.

Scroll down. Look around my blogs. Notice something? I’m married to an amazing guy. I have a beautiful son. I have an incredible, blessed life. I have these things because everything I’ve told you….I did! God did!! We did together.

ACTION PLAN: Pile your troubles on God—He wants them! He will take care of them. Carry them for you. Have a heart-to-heart with God and try being real now. Put aside your “religious” ideas of how to approach God, and lay it on the line! Commit yourself to Jesus and watch your life transform. All the stuff you’ve been trying to do yourself can’t be done by yourself. If you want to save yourself for the right person, if you want to release your past sins/life, if you want to live a better life or be a better person—a person of noble and virtuous character, if you want to know true love…cry out to Jesus and ask Him to save you. God is not a bumper sticker slogan. He’s the Creator and Ruler of heaven and earth. One day, bowing down to Him will not be an option. Why not just do it now and be free for the rest of your days? It requires nothing on your part except asking for redemption, salvation, and the love Jesus DIED to give you!

GO FURTHER: Stop blaming the past, other people, or God. If you’re coming here week after week, discouraged to find out that you need Jesus in order to find real happiness and true love that will last a lifetime, don’t blame me that you won’t do it and therefore nothing’s working. Bits and pieces won’t work. You either want to find your true love, or you want to find the next best thing. True love means Jesus, and surrendering it all to Him, allowing Him to work through you, heal you, and complete you, preparing you for the person He has lined up for you. The next best thing will land you right where you are again: hopeless and aching.

Jesus doesn’t make life perfect, but He will deliver you from addictions, sin and past heartaches. Life won’t be a bed of roses, but it’s better than the alternative. The pain will become easier to deal with, and the losses you experience in the dating realm will somehow make much more sense when you grasp that God has bigger and better things lined up for you, and He’s using every single dating disaster to prepare you for the Real One. If THAT doesn’t give you hope, nothing will!

FACT: No Jesus=No Love. Know Jesus=Know Love.