Friday, September 23, 2011

Week 5: Worms

Scripture to reflect upon for Singles Saturday: 2 Timothy 3:6-7
They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.

Who were the worms that Paul was talking about? The treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. And then he warns: Have nothing to do with them! (2 Timothy 3:4-5) These are the kind of people that are lurking about, seeking out “weak-willed women.”

Now as a woman, you may be thinking, “Um, hello! I’m not weak-willed.” Okay then, let me ask you this: What kind of guys do you typically date? Do they mistreat you? Do they cheat on you? Do they call you names? Are they abusive?

As a man, do you fit this bill? If so, it’s important to know that you will be rejected and your folly will be clear to everyone (vv. 8-9).

I once had a conversation with a woman who was heavy set. She was ga-ga over a guy who ended up leaving her for another woman who was not only unattractive, but much, much larger than she was. She was confused and wondered how in the world he could want this other woman over her. It’s simple really.

There aren’t many heavy women in the world who have a lot of self-confidence. They tend to compare themselves to the world and realize they are already a loser in the eyes of society. I don’t agree with this, mind you, but most women, even regardless of their size, feel this way! And when we feel lowly and feel ugly or fat or dumb, we become weak-willed. Now I know many women reading this are still thinking, “I don’t think that way about myself!” Really? I mean…really!?

I bet you can find at least five things about yourself that you would physically change if you could at this very moment. You probably wouldn’t even hesitate: I’d weigh 30 pounds less. I’d have curly (or flat) hair. I’d rather have blue eyes than brown. I’d be taller. My nose would be smaller. My skin would be clearer. I’d have less wrinkles. I’d have a toner butt or thighs or stomach.

But what the world sees isn’t only our physical appearance. These “kinds of people” that Paul was talking about are all over the place, and they are hunting down women who are scared of getting hurt, or worry about if they’ll ever get married or have children. In the spiritual realm, your true self is visible. The dark spirits of these types of men are searching for a spirit that is weak-willed: hurting, aching, needy, vulnerable, anxious, eager, depressed.

I spent so many years aching over some of the harmful choices I made in my life. Trust me, when you carry that kind of guilt around, it’s impossible to be strong-willed. It’s impossible to feel good about yourself. You could be the most beautiful woman alive, and you’d still feel yucky about yourself. And you see it all the time. Look at how many gorgeous women are cheated on, abandoned, or abused verbally or physically. You often sit back and wonder how they got the short end of the stick. Well guess what? Others may be wondering that about you, too. You just haven’t wised up to the fact that you are in fact weak-willed. You don’t want to admit it. You don’t care to see that something’s just not right inside; and until you do, you will continue to be prey for these vultures.

I want to share a personal story with you about my ex-husband. He was an ex-con. He had been into a lot of bad stuff and served time in some of the worst prison systems in the country. When we first started dating, he played the love card with me right off the bat. For one thing, he knew that I ached for it, not by anything I told him, but by what my spirit was projecting. Then he proceeded to tell me that he had never felt that way about anyone before and really never even told anyone that he loved them. I believed it! Because as a weak-willed woman, I was also gullible and eager to hear those types of things. It made me feel special and unique.

After we got married, his dad brought over a box of his stuff. Now I won’t lie, if I’m skeptical of someone, I have a tendency to be a bit of a spy. So spy I did. I went through the box and ended up finding some old letters from a girl he had written to when he was in prison. The words I read sent me on a downward spiral. She was smart enough to tell him that they had only been writing each other for a few weeks, and how in the world could he claim she was “the one” for him. She went on to say that although she cared for him, she didn’t feel the kind of love he was announcing to her. My heart dropped to my feet. I thought I was special. I thought I was the only one he felt this way about.

When I confronted him about the letters and what she wrote, this is what he said…get ready for this. He told me that when you’re in prison, you play the “game.” You tell girls things they want to hear so you can get them to send you money or food or cigarettes. “You do what you have to do to get what you want,” he said coldly. It was just a matter of fact for him. He had no remorse, no guilt, nothing! This girl’s feelings meant nothing to him, because all that mattered was what he could get from her by telling her what he thought she’d like to hear. Lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive. Without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of good (vv. 2-3). They are the kind that worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women.

I wish I could tell you that I had left him after that. But that was just the beginning. He physically abused me. He brought drugs into our home. He attacked my son, Josh, on several occasions. He verbally assaulted me on a daily basis. And all in the same breath, he’d tell me he loved me. He also, much like my friend’s story, left me for an unattractive, heavy woman once I was no longer willing to put up with his abuse. And that wasn’t the end either. Because these kinds of men “gain control” over women like us.

I lived in constant fear of him even after he moved in with his girlfriend, because he would sporadically knock on my bedroom window in the middle of the night, expressing undying love for me and insisting he was sorry for all the hurt he caused me. As a weak-willed woman, I believed him and found that I could no longer trust myself with him.

I’m not ugly by any means. I don’t consider myself to be fat. But none of that matters in the larger scheme of things. My past haunted me. I allowed things into my life that I shouldn’t have, and eventually that made me weak-willed. Men of a low caliber are drawn to women like that whether they are drop dead gorgeous or butt ugly. They don’t care. All they care about is what they can get from you, how they can abuse you in the process, and eventually destroy you. That is their spirit, and they are ruled by it.

My weak-will had nothing to do with my appearance. It had everything to do with my longings and disappointments in life. That’s what the spirit world sees, and that’s what worms are looking for. So…what makes you a weak-willed woman?

ACTION PLAN: Deal with your past! Make amends with God. Pray 2 Timothy 1:7 over your life every single day, numerous times throughout your day: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline. Allow God to show you how special you are. Ask Him to reveal how He sees you. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you! Pray for a healing in your spirit world. Pray that you project only good things and ward off the worms that are seeking weak-willed women.

GO FURTHER: Speak it out loud! You have got to get into the habit of telling your self and your mind how beautiful you are, how intelligent you are, how disciplined you are, how strong you are (in Christ, mind you!). Your mind doesn’t know fact from fiction. It’s time to reprogram your brain with the truth! You (or others) have filled it with misconceptions and lies about yourself.

Pray daily: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and make my spirit right again (Psalm 51:10). Do you even understand what this scripture could mean for you in terms of healing your spirit and the kinds of people you will start attracting? You need to grasp this concept. Grab a hold of it and don’t let go! Make this scripture your own. God is faithful to heal you and create in you a pure heart and make it so you are no longer bound by the chains of being weak-willed, but rather, have a spirit that is right and in alignment with the Lover of your soul.

FACT: If you are drawing men to you that mistreat you, you may be a weak-willed woman without even realizing it.

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